I am lost for words. I can’t believe it. I really don’t understand. I can’t even… what the… really?

Ok, I’ll rewind and clarify myself for you.

About a month ago I sat my (dreaded) Company Accounting exam. It was on a Saturday morning. The thing about Saturday morning exams is the night before there’s always church. And during church there’s always mixed feelings of “I’m glad to be at church…. but it’s going to be an ALLL nighter”.

Anyway, for this Company Accounting exam, I felt like for the first time I’d tried my hardest in the sense that I did everything I needed to do – I went to every tute, every lecture and did all the practice questions required to prep for the exam. So, on the Friday night (before the exam on Saturday) I felt as ready as ever. Just ask Rosie & Lisa Hong & people of the like – I told them this that night. I was quite confident that I’d be a-ok.

Long story short – it was the first exam I’ve ever cried in. I started the exam and I don’t know what came over me. I had all this nervous energy and my mind went blank. It happens to me a lot though – when I’m put under pressure, my mind tends to go blank and I can’t think. I mean, I’m fine when a question isn’t directly asked to me. If I have something to say then I’m fine to say it. It’s just when I’m put under pressure. This even happens in life group during discussion when I’m put on the spot-

“So, what do you think about this Li?”

“…Um… Jesus…?” I would reply -Because we all know, He’s the answer to everything!

Actually I’ve never said that. But that would be funny.

But yes, this happened in the exam. There were 2 parts to the 1.25hr exam- 40 MCQs & 1 essay question. I had to read the questions literally 5+ times each to understand what I needed to answer. Time was running low and so I decided to leave the MCQs and move on to the essay question. I ended up running out of time for that too. I had to just finish off with dot-points of what I was going to write. I had written about 1/2 of what I planned to write (if not less). I even wrote I small note of desperation at the end (a tip learnt from the best in the business – Jay Suede) that said something like, “I’m really really sorry. I ran out of time. I really tried. I’m sorry.”

When we were told, “pens down”, I quickly, frantically, and randomly coloured in the remaining multi-choice questions. The supervisor lady even came and tried to pry the paper away from me – “I SAID, PENS DOWN”. Give me a break lady, sheeesh.

SO yes, I went in the exam all confident and I came out a mess. I ran to the toilets and balled my eyes out (I flushed regularly to minimize the audibility of my wailing). I was really disappointed in myself. I felt that I tried my hardest, but my hardest apparently wasn’t good enough.

At life group the next day, I shared about this. And Powerhouse One can probably tell you that yes I was quite down in the dumps.

I just got my marks back for the written essay side of the exam – the side of the exam that I was most anxious about because I didn’t finish it (whereas with the MCQ at least I could fill in the random circles). Turns out I got a 9/10. A NINE OUT OF TEN. Seriously, how is this possible? I am just speechless. Nothing can explain this except the sheer favour of God. I mean you just logically can’t join the dots.

Time and time again, God blows me away. I don’t think I can ever grasp this unmerited favour stuff. It’s just unlike anything in this world. I have no idea why God is so good to me. Why Lord? I just… wow. It goes to show that ANYTHING is possible with God. Nothing is out of His reach. Amazing, simply amazing!