1. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this conversation.”
2. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you’re going with the lowest bidder.
3. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
4. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
5 Imitate the order taker’s voice.
6. Say it’s your anniversary and you’d appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
7. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, “I shall not be swayed by your sweet words.”
8. When they repeat your order, say “Again, with a little more OOMPH this time.”
9. Mumble, “There’s a bomb under your seat.” When asked to repeat that, say “I said ’sauce smothered with meat’.”
10. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.